There was no cost to my body as I used the opportunity to exercise a lot as a way of distraction, but socially and mentally, the experience was pretty tough. That shit changed me - if you look at my photos from before and from now, my face is different. Before I looked relaxed and kind of nice-guyish, now I look kind of harder and more evil, if I may put it that way.
I really felt as if I was put through some kind of wringer, and came out tougher, but I also lost part of my humanity. I'm just not as nice a person anymore, less patient, more angry, not as easy-going, not quite as pleasant to be around.
So yes, that shit was not free. I paid for it, I got what I wanted in the end, but I know I'm definitely not the same person as before.
One often looks at the materially poor in developing world and finds them to be at least superficially happy.
The problem here in the west for me is the question of stability - I'm poor and happy but when 20% VAT hits if business goes down the tube then we'll be down and outs.
Literally we're on a knife edge highly susceptible to external forces in a way that makes it hard to be completely content.
I really felt as if I was put through some kind of wringer, and came out tougher, but I also lost part of my humanity. I'm just not as nice a person anymore, less patient, more angry, not as easy-going, not quite as pleasant to be around.
So yes, that shit was not free. I paid for it, I got what I wanted in the end, but I know I'm definitely not the same person as before.