I don't think it reads like "a cartoon samurai" (but then I don't know how samurai sound). What you're really noticing is how lazily written it is. That whole article is a single draft I wrote almost a year ago and never touched again.

You're seeing it because I was too hung over this morning to repeat all the arguments it contained when Javascript crypto came up on HN.

I didn't submit the article as a story; in fact, I've been sort of dreading it being submitted ever since I wrote the comment that had the link in it.

Don't dread, it is clear and factual and free from obvious typos. You've even got a jwz quote and radioactive boy scout references - I rather enjoyed it.

Oddly enough, that's one of the parts that could use a bit of editing:

"Ever read the story of the radioactive boy scout? He bought an old clock with painted with radium and found a vial of radium paint inside."

Sorry for being an asshole - it's actually quite readable and gets the point across, I just meant to comment on the somewhat dire tone. Says something good about your writing if a quick draft gets the point across and people want to read it.

Actually, I submitted it because I saw it on Reddit, liked it, and was surprised to see it wasn't submitted here. Though somebody may have submitted it to Reddit after seeing your link on HN.

I don't even want to think about what the commentary on Reddit is for this.

Well, unlike this thread, it only has 2 people spreading misconceptions and inaccuracies about cryptography. And also unlike this thread, they're heavily downvoted. So there's that.

I liked this reply: "Half way through reading this, I realized that people were actually attempting to do this in real life"

Probably because it's fun? If you spend half your day reading papers on fully homomorphic encryption, I think we can forgive a little levity to compensate.