As was said before. You're not alone, in any of this. This doesn't have to reflect on your value as a person.
my freelancing thing barely works
You're currently the oldest you've ever been, but you're still pretty darn young. A lot of freelancing is about the network of people who consider you a known good quantity for solving the problems that they or their contacts have. How big can your network of contacts be if you've only worked for a short time?
Failure is painful and jarring, but nobody who isn't a total asshole is going to look at a young programmer who couldn't get traction freelancing as a failed person. Hell, I would look at that as a positive thing, you're brave enough to try things that might not work.
my freelancing thing barely works
You're currently the oldest you've ever been, but you're still pretty darn young. A lot of freelancing is about the network of people who consider you a known good quantity for solving the problems that they or their contacts have. How big can your network of contacts be if you've only worked for a short time?
Failure is painful and jarring, but nobody who isn't a total asshole is going to look at a young programmer who couldn't get traction freelancing as a failed person. Hell, I would look at that as a positive thing, you're brave enough to try things that might not work.