sudo pmset -a destroyfvkeyonstandby 1 hibernatemode 25
From the pmset man page:
destroyfvkeyonstandby - Destroy File Vault Key when going to
standby mode. By default File vault keys are retained even when
system goes to standby. If the keys are destroyed, user will be
prompted to enter the password while coming out of standby
mode.(value: 1 - Destroy, 0 - Retain)
and
hibernatemode = 25 (binary 0001 1001) is only settable via pmset. The
system will store a copy of memory to persistent storage (the disk), and
will remove power to memory. The system will restore from disk image. If
you want "hibernation" - slower sleeps, slower wakes, and better battery
life, you should use this setting.
So, under Lion, turn on FileVault, run that command and always sleep your Mac (close the clamshell, Apple Menu > Sleep, or Option-Command-Eject) when you want to be secure.
If your computer crashes under resume after having done so, something's amiss. Remember that you'll need to auth twice on wake-from-sleep if you are logged in – once to unlock the volume, and again to unlock your user's session.
Unfortunately, lion/filevault 2 no longer supports it, and if you try to force the options, the computer simply crashes on resume.