I learned of Dweck's findings before I had kids, and I faced that challenge, too: Others tell my kids that they're smart, but they want reassurance that Daddy thinks they are, too.

When they were younger, I told them that they were obviously smart enough to be successful, but beyond that it was hard to tell just how smart, because the harder they worked on something, the smarter they looked, to me and everyone else.

As they've gotten older, though, I've shared Dweck's research with them and told them that the details were a little more subtle than just growth mindset vs fixed mindset.

Instead, I've told them that cognitive skills were like athletic skills: some things do come more easily to some people--different things to different people. You might not learn a certain thing as easily as your friend does, but if you work harder, you'll still learn faster. The real success will come not from being born "smart" but from being born "smart enough" and then combining hard work with strategy. Find a few things that are hard for everybody but seem to come a little more easily to you than to most people, then work like crazy on those things, and you won't just look smart, you'll look like a genius.